You need to be better than anyone else…
You need to do a better job than anyone else…
You need to do more than everyone else
…falling short is not an option.
These are the repetitive thoughts that drive you. This is your operating system. These thoughts are loud and get louder and louder every day.
The truth is that no one can keep up with these parts of them that push you to be perfect. You are exhausted and can never measure up these expectations. They are unattainable- no one could, not even you, no matter how much you try.
Every day, you have to meet really high expectations at work. Period. This is a big deal in terms of how you live your life and can have pretty serious implications on your life outside of work. Relationships at work and at home suffer.
When they don’t work out, it can be very shameful.
Often times, professional women and executives who are feeling anxiety, depression and an inordinate amount of stress will find themselves having to look to for help when they are having difficulty at work, and sometimes the EAP feels too close for comfort.
You are doing a great job at work, but you might be experiencing burn out. You work harder than anyone else, you do more than your share, and everything has to be perfect. It probably feels better to do things yourself rather than delegating. But being in that kind of control is not the most efficient use of your time and you may be inadvertently putting you colleagues off- and your boss.
These issues of control, perfectionism and setting unattainable goals can affect your job performance.
You haven’t stopped to acknowledge your last achievement but instead drive ahead to meet your next goal. Do you discount your successes?
The stress, anxiety and depression it’s all getting to be too much.
The bottom line is that when you go to work, you being everything with you. There is no way to check anxiety, depression, etc at the door. These issues are vital parts of you – they are very important feedback mechanisms that are telling you that what you are doing isn’t working and are sending up red flags that you might need some help.
Many business and professional women who come into my office are extremely stressed out and experience tremendous anxiety at work. Their performance suffers as they become increasingly intolerant of others. Everything has to be perfect.
Many women, at this point, start to feel out of control. They feel irritable and stressed out and it shows.
Eventually, being perfect and being in control won’t work anymore.
As a result, professional and executive business women can get called out by their bosses because of these behaviors and end up being directed to utilize the company’s EAP. They feel ashamed and humiliated. Their fellow employees and indirect bosses knew about your being called out by HR and having to be directed to get therapy.
Often times, business women and executives are feeling anxious, depressed or stressed out find that they are not managing their workload, not managing their home life and feel completely out of control. They know they are at risk of ruining relationships or worse, getting reprimanded at work, yet they just don’t know what to do to change.
• You don’t have time to waste.
• You want to change fast
• You want to change NOW
• You needed to change yesterday
But in the midst of all of this, you feel lost and don’t know who you are anymore- you feel empty and unfulfilled.
You hate that you don’t have great connections with colleagues at work. You hate that your colleagues do not respect you. You hate that your reviews are not complementary. You feel lonely at work and at home.
Of course you do. It is normal to feel this way under these circumstances.
Your career and your reputation are on their way to ruin. You don’t understand why people at work complain about you or don’t like you.
I know how hard you work but still you have these nagging feeling like no matter what you do, no matter what you achieve, you will never be good enough, you will never be able to reach yours or anyone else’s expectations.
I get that you are really unhappy, I get that you aren’t feeling great and I get that you might not like yourself. All of this makes sense.
Your self-confidence and your self-esteem have taken a big hit and things feel like they are spiraling out of control.
Setting unrealistic goals, having to be perfect, and expecting others to perfect is damaging.
And then there are your personal relationships.
• You might be feeling like you have no one to turn to.
• You might feel like no one understands what you are going through.
• You might be dating a jerk who also has these expectations of you- expectations no one could ever achieve.
The stress of having to be perfect… To be the perfect wife or girlfriend, to look perfect, to make the perfect dinner, to look perfect and fit in. The stress of feeling like you have to be perfect is overwhelming. You have become even more rigid in your needing to please that you end up in overdrive. Hence the burnout.
You want to figure this out and be “normal”… but you might not even remember what a healthy normal feels like.
But what about you?
When do you get to be happy?
When will you stop feeling guilty when you stop pleasing other people?
When will you start putting yourself first?
You deserve to be proud of your accomplishments and do things that make you happy and to feel fulfilled.
You deserve to honor your achievements rather than plowing over them to get to the next mountain to climb.
You deserve to have good relationships at work and at home.
You deserve a good, healthy work/life balance without feeling like she will let someone down if she isn’t working.
Imagine waking up in the morning- you feel rested and ready for the day. Life with boundaries around your time to relax and your time to work feels really good. Co-workers value your opinion and expertise and defer to you on opinions for projects/clients. There is now something that looks like “life after work”!
You finally know what it feels like to feel like you are good enough, to take care of yourself without feeling guilty.
You have a really strong sense of self-esteem and it shows- in and outside of work.
You are proud of your work and your life, and you earned it.
Imagine what it would feel like to have those thoughts calm down and have new thoughts cheer you on rather than judge you and feel critical?
What would it feel like to value yourself and be proud of your hard work?
Imagine what it would feel like to have healthy self-esteem, to lead from your center and attract what makes you feel alive.
Imagine what it would feel like to discover who you really are by putting yourself first? You feel calm, fulfilled and whole for the first time in your life, without feeling guilty.
Imagine what it would feel like to have respect from your peers and co-workers, because you allowed them to make a contribution at work. Imagine that you feel respected and valued as an asset to your team and not threatening to your co-workers. Imagine that your peers want to learn from you, to be championed by you because you care about the success of your team.
If you are struggling, please reach out. I can help.
Call me at 860 385-1574 to set up a free 15-minute appointment to discuss your needs. I look forward to connecting with you